To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country.
We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the
board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the
inside of the top of the box.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Via the Legal Profession Blog comes this unbelievable exchange set forth in a footnote in this opinion from the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit.
Thanks to Edward Wiest for pointing this out to me.
Phipps: . . . so that’s about all I have to say, Your Honor. I don’t have anything other
than that. You know, my client lives in Chicago. ... She continues to earn a living, and she’s generally unavailable if you call her because she, she’s sort of a traveling doctor.
Judge: That’s not much of thing you come in here and tell us, I guess.
Phipps: Well, my attitude is, the [district court] judge got it right . . . . And as far as
whether even Ricks should apply, I don’t think it should.
Judge: What do you do about Morgan?
Phipps: I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know Morgan, Your Honor.
Judge: You don’t know Morgan?
Phipps: Nope.Judge: You haven’t read it?
Phipps: I try not to read that many cases, your Honor. Ricks is the only one I read. Oh,
Ledbetter, I read Ledbetter, and I read that one that they brought up last night.
I don’t know if that’s not Ledbetter, I can’t remember the name of it. Ricks is the
one that I go by; it’s my North star. Either it applies or it doesn’t apply. I don’t
think it applies.
Judge: I must say, Morgan is a case that is directly relevant to this case. And for you
representing the Plaintiff to get up here—it’s a Supreme Court case—and say
you haven’t read it. Where did they teach you that?Phipps: They didn’t teach me much, Your Honor.
Judge: At Tulane, is it?Phipps: Loyola.
Judge: Okay. Well, I must say, that may be an all time first.
Phipps: That’s why I wore a suit today, Your Honor.
Judge: Alright. We’ve got your attitude, anyway.
Recently, I was lucky enough to be invited by the inimitable Denise
Howell to participate in one of the most well known legal podcasts, TWiL. The podcast is now available here.
In TWiL 16, host Denise Howell, Ernie Svenson, Marty Schwimmer, Evan Brown and I discuss iPhone unlocking, FBI child porn baiting, electronic discovery, Viacom v. YouTube, and more.
This blogger is at the beach. Blogging will resume next Monday.
And, in other news, pigs fly.
The ABA Law Journal tipped me off to this unusually funny law firm website--the Lawyer Job Interview Translator. Halleland, Lewis, Nilan and Johnson actually gets Web 2.0 and Gen Y!
Somebody, pinch me, please!
Bad acting does not a mistrial make.
Via Lowering the Bar, comes the following hysterical video. Rather than re-create the wheel, I'll simply use the inimitable Kevin Underhill's description, since he's one of the funniest lawyers around:
This story shows the importance of proper training before appearing in a courtroom, even (well, especially) if one has decided to represent oneself. And depending on the strategy, acting lessons may be a good idea.
Keison Wilkins may have thought he could ignore these principles since he successfully defended himself once before, in 2005. This case also involved felonious-assault charges, apparently based on the attempted murder of a man in Dayton, Ohio. Whatever Wilkins' legal strategy was this time around, it wasn't going very well, and Wilkins increasingly resorted to "antics" designed to disrupt the proceedings and force a mistrial. The judge did have to clear the courtroom frequently, but the trial went on.
This happened often enough that by the time Wilkins tried to fake a heart attack during closing arguments, nobody was even paying attention anymore.
In this highly entertaining courtroom video footage, deputies react to Wilkins falling over, but other than that it is clear that no one is buying the act for a second. The judge is shown shuffling papers as Wilkins clutches his chest. Note also the lack of any reaction whatsoever by the attorney in the front row. The judge has Wilkins checked by a nurse, who finds nothing wrong with him, but Wilkins tenaciously sticks with his plan -- even after being put back in his chair and then showing an obvious reaction to an ammonia stick placed under his nose. The video is worth 3 minutes and 41 seconds of your time.
Things not to say during a traffic stop:
“ I was smoking, I was smoking marijuana. It's right here in my ashtray. I just picked up an eighth, here it is. I smoked a bowl's worth. I was just smoking the last hit of the bowl. I have been sumoking for the last half hour. There may be something in the trunk. Is this test only for marijuana because I might not want to take the urine test if they are testing for other drugs.”
People v. El-Khawam, 20 Misc.3d 1103(A) (N.Y.Dist.Ct. Jun 16, 2008).
Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
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